I have re-written this post twice... I don't know what I really want to talk about today.
I am losing weight which is great. For the month of January I'll be at about 10 lbs. Not horrible at all. The voice in me says 'not enough- I want more I want faster you can do better. '
Yes I can lose weight faster and I will gain it back right away. I have played that game before, and lost.
It doesn't stop me from wanting to try to play again so badly. I am so sick of being the weight I am. I am so much more than my weight.
The goal for January was to cut out sugar , wheat and dairy, and for the exception of those 6 days, I've done that so far. The goal for February is to start tracking my calories. I don't know if I'm ready for it. The desire to lose weight is so strong in me right now I'm not in that same healthy mind set I was at the beginning of the month.
I am working on the addiction more than ever. I find myself more in control of my thought process and choices. I went for lunch today and while everyone ordered yam fries and burgers I was very happy with my gluten free noodle choice. I thought about having a burger and fries with a diet pop. If I thought about it a week ago I would have had it.
The work of letting go of losing weight is my biggest challenge. I feel better eating the way I am. There is NO denying dairy and wheat were making me sick. I gave up sugar because I'm addicted to it. I don't know if it makes me physically sick like dairy and wheat but it makes me mentally sick. I m still eating though- hummus, cashew butter, shakes, coconut milk and oil, gf bread; those things are all better choices but they have their share of calories. I need to learn to be ok with that.
Slow and steady wins the race..... right?
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