Day 6. Lots to Fix.

So of course after I had a good day I had a bad mental day... still stayed on track but was down about it.
It's never about the food right? It's not about the weight. those are all symptoms. I have struggled for most of my life with depression even before the size 18 even at a size 4 I wasn't a happy camper. I had moments, days ,weeks, sometimes even months of pure happiness of course but since I hit puberty I have had moments,days,weeks,months,sometimes even years of depression. I've been on medication but it never took the heaviness away. It is mild in the sense that I can go about my daily life keep a job have friends etc... but it is also something I deal with as a wall to living my life to its fullest.

My hope is that by eating better and getting more active I'll continue to feel great like I have been,but yesterday I overslept and it all came back in full force, no energy, sad thoughts,no drive to better myself,watching tv, wanting to sleep more.... all familiar things.

I ate ok though. I made that bread the day before (which was horrible btw) and I ate that with cashew butter ( which was amazing ) and It was enough.

Today is the day I'm writing about though right? Today I woke up not full of joy and energy but I woke up at least filled with hope. I will get better. I have a lot to fix,but I'l get there ( did cold play's fix you start playing in anyone's head? )

I love reading about Paiges's stuff too ha ha it's comical in the sense that I get it completely and I have been there. If I had a last supper it would be cheese and bread. I am learning that those things to me are drugs, pure cocaine. I can not have just one bite, one piece, one slice. I will eat it all and start again tomorrow. Does that mean I'll never have them again you ask? Maybe. Maybe not. I know one thing is for sure; I didn't have wheat or dairy yesterday and I'm not having it today. That's enough for me right now.