Day 90. Be effected.

I am a majorly emotional person.

I covered it up by trying not to feel anything. When a kid I was teaching cried I'd sneer and say suck it up princess the water isn't that cold. When a puppy cried to be let out of a kennel I'd think - give it attention and they win. When a horrible story came on the news I'd think Yes that is horrible. That is all. I didn't let my mind wander to the families I didn't think of what this horrible news would do to anyone else.

I've been working on breaking for the last few years. At the risk of sounding like the fat girl who cries into her cookies I really have stuffed my feelings. I went to acting school and found a crack in my armor and since then I've been eating. eating. and eating.

I'm letting myself be effected. It fucking sucks sometimes. I started crying at EVERYTHING. News, commercials, adele. ADELE, how much I loved my dog... you get the idea.

But I don't binge anymore. I don't need to be the chub a chub not shedding a single tear and being a tough mama and then going home and eating ice cream. I feel like I'm coming from a different place now. Relearning how to eat and relearning how to make choices. I'm not desperate anymore. I'm fucking scared and still sad sometimes. But that's another post.