End of rhymes for now I guess.
I'm at a loss about what to say and write. The problem is I have too much to say.
I'm doing well. I am. I haven't given in to anything I don't have any crazy cravings I am good. I am feeding my body what it wants when it wants it. Saying no when I know I should.
I can feel myself looking for something to be upset about... searching for something to be wrong-there are things wrong.... It seems I'm ok about them for now.
I'll speak about one thing that has been coming up for me; patterns. I have a pattern to my dieting it goes like this. First 4 days- amazing, happy,full of hope. Next 4 days- cranky,feel deprived,sad. 4 days after that feel no energy,sad ,hopeless start really wanting certain foods and cheating a little but keeping diet still in check. Finally 2 days after.... BINGE, feel guilty, say I'll start over again on monday. This time I got to day 5ish and felt the creep and thought to myself here we go again. Something happened. I felt the change- tried to figure out why and moved through it. I can literally feel my mind saying HEY HEY HEY You are meant to be starting to lose hope and you are meant to be giving up soon what is going on here ? This wasn't our deal!
We are our own worst enemies. I have tons of support and the one person who is trying to pull me down the most is myself. I'm standing up to the voice in my head it seems. When it tells me losing a pound a week isn't enough and if I really wanted to lose weight I'd push myself and I could lose a lot more. When I hear myself say just do a strict diet to lose the first 20 as a kickstart then you'll feel better and it'll be easier to lose the rest- I think well that does make sense. I am tired of trusting my mind when it comes to what my body needs. My mind got me into this mess. It's up to my body to get me out of it.
Day ten - NOT AGAIN.
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