Today, I like. I like today. You know what did it? I had a good start. On my normal carpool ride, which includes a drive through a drive-thru Tim Horton's, I declined a breakfast sandwich. That is all. I then went to work feeling calm, ate my pre-portioned meals/snacks and went home, also calm. As I've mentioned before, this is all I seek. A sort of food Zen where I enjoy what I do eat throughout the day, but it's not all I think about in between.
What is the science and/or magic behind today's outcome? Allow me to theorize. The first thing I eat in a day puts me in risk of binge mode. This I know. Once I 'break the fast', my mind gets hyperactive and convinces me that I need to scrounge and eat at every opportunity because otherwise, oh my God, I run the risk of being hungry and won't be able to concentrate on anything besides how to acquire the next meal. This is a terribly humiliating thing to admit, as I am well aware that I have never actually had to "go without" in life. It's pompous of me to function this way. But currently, I seem to be hardwired as such.
Saying no to the breakfast sandwich did require willpower. Discipline. But only a brief moment of it. I had a cup of tea when I arrived at work, and ate my plain yogurt with honey, blackberries & sunflower seeds an hour after that. And I savored it. I didn't skip breakfast, only delayed it slightly. It gave me the time to be in my body and realize my hunger wasn't as strong as my habits. It put my body back in control, instead of my imagination. I think...maybe that's what a normal person feels during the day?
I also did more yoga again tonight. I hold the positions I find hardest the longest, just to make sure I'm not slacking. It's only my third day since starting up again, but already my heels are flat on the ground in my downward dog. Hopefully that makes sense to some (basically, hamstrings are improving!). I know tomorrow could be a bad day, but I'm feeling well today and will try my best to start right tomorrow too...
No comments:
Post a Comment