Day 12. The First Stumble.

Well it happened. The first fall from grace.

It was coming it was creeping it was GOING to happen.

It came in the form of potato wedges; then onion rings.

I won't go into the sad details what I will say is that even through the haze that I know as the beginning of a binge I made healthy choices and I stopped from going too far.

I was hungry coming home from work, I thought I had eaten enough but I was starving. My first thought leaving work was maybe I'll go to Wendy's - I didn't- good choice number one. I came home thinking I'll make a poutine ( no appropriate cheese ). I found an old stash of frozen onion rings ( not mine ) and thought ok I will have these. While I waiting for the oven to heat up instead of using all the other frozen junk in the freezer I ate spinach and hummus and my rice bread, not exactly binge material but the way I was eating it would say other wise. I didn't even finish the bread. I ate a little cream cheese on it and said to myself this isn't good enough to finish----- that is UNHEARD of for me. I had a diet pepsi with my name on it and I gave myself the choice of having a beer ( wheat ) or diet pepsi  (poison ) to go with my onion rings. I ended up not having either. I did eat the onion rings ( 430 cal worth)

I said I wasn't going to go into the sad details and what I meant by that was I won't try to guess as to why I had the slip up. In my opinion it doesn't matter right now what matters to me is I did fall but I didn't fall hard and I got right back up. This blog isn't about how not to fail. Thinking failure isn't an option is what got me into this mess.

I have to start being ok with making mistakes,being bad, being wrong,not being perfect. I've never thought of myself as a perfectionist but if I look closely at my acting and my life I feel great anxiety when I am unsure,wrong,trying something new, being asked something I should know, etc...

SO . Today is another day. I can feel myself wanting that fresh start again. Here it is. Hello day 12.