Day 21. Rant.

A pretty uneventful day today, so I think I will address something that has been bothering me recently:

Girls,  don't be shitty.

I'm talking to girls everywhere. Teenage girls, young women, middle-aged women... Just stop being shitty. To each other, I mean. Girls have an astonishing ability to keep other girls down. And it's poison to our gender. I mentioned before that I survived high school without mean girls. That's not to say there weren't any, I just have a distinct memory of not giving a shit what anyone with a pissy attitude had to say. I had a core group of friends whose company I enjoyed. Sure, we'd crack jokes at each other's expense, but there wasn't any psychotic, underlying competitiveness that made us tear each other down. Now that I'm in my 20's it seems to be much worse. A lot of one-upping and backhanded compliments followed by, "omg I HATE you". Bizarre.

Not to mention the insanity we can put ourselves through! I can't say I've escaped that one. Over time I learned to make self deprecating jokes and reduce my vocabulary to prevent being ousted from a group. If I don't come off as superior in any way, I can't be labelled a "bitch" or "snob" or "know it all". It's a skill I do not endorse. Language and opinions are beautiful things.

Case study time! Let's review my current situation with a girl I have to see on a regular basis. We'll call her 'Mary'. Before I met Mary, I was told by others that I would love her. That she's as geeky and into crafts and cooking as I am. Hooray! Then comes the day when we first "meet" and she won't make eye contact or address me. Everyone else in the room, sure, but not me.

Ok, weird...maybe a bad day? Maybe she's shy? Yeah, that's probably it. Well, I'll just be really friendly and good-spirited until she feels comfortable! Hmm...now 2 months have gone by and not only will she not talk to me, she will get up and leave the room if I join the group. Oh my God, I must have done something to offend her! But what? We haven't had a conversation! Maybe she thinks I'm stupid. Or ugly. I mean, she's really pretty, maybe she's not used to talking to awkward, gangly dorks like me.

Well, after 4 months and a tear-filled breakdown over the whole situation, I'm finally made privy to the fact that...she isn't comfortable around girls skinnier than her.

WHAT.

I just spent the past several months wondering what was wrong with me, hating myself for every conversation attempt where I came off like an airhead because I would get so nervous trying to talk to you, and you had decided from the start to ignore me based on my appearance? Bitch, please.

There!! See how easy it is to throw names around? She's drawing the poison out of me!

Thankfully, I had some sort of epiphany in the euphoria of New Year's Eve and have stopped trying. I haven't ever been so concerned about winning someone over, and it was liberating to rid myself of the obsession. I don't return the deer in headlights treatment, but never again will I be the first to make a move. We all have issues. I'm sympathetic to hers, but not at the expense of my own self esteem.

So in conclusion, if you're stuck in a situation with shitty girls, don't become a shitty girl, and remember: the best revenge is living well. I think I'll have a great day tomorrow, Mary.