Did you know dairy products have morphine in them?? I'm serious! Look that shit up! Traces of opiates! To make the cute little baby cows come back for more! Learning this made me feel a little better about my dependency; that at least it isn't all in my head. But now I have to wonder if I would crawl under a mama cow and start sucking after enough deprivation. And of course: the highest concentrations are found in skim milk and cheese. Fantastic.
If Step 1 is admitting you have a problem, I've just been raising and lowering my foot in the same spot for a month now. #1 Goal for February: reduce intake to one serving of local, organic dairy a day.
Ugh, but I feel like everything else is going well! I'm eating so many more vegetables than I had been. Which is silly and overdue. I love them. But when I was "allowed" to eat a cheeseburger on a white bun with fries, the convenience and salt fix won out every time. Now that I am even remotely committed, I am rediscovering my love of rainbow-y, nutritious, nature creations. Just last night, I found myself craving a salad! I normally hate lettuce, (something about the texture of chewing up leaves is too literal) but I found myself furiously chopping up an entire head of leaf lettuce, and throwing together a dressing of olive oil, apple cider vinegar, and local honey. And it was satisfying. I ate it like a true binger, but in this case it was something I could live with after the fact.
Tonight I did some furious pilates in my bedroom. I knew in my heart that I wasn't going to brave the cold night air to get to the gym, and, annoyed with myself, I did a string of glute exercises that are sure to have me walking funny for a few days. It felt good, but something about moving my body with such energy stirred up emotions, and my cardiovascular panting turned into sobs. Only briefly though, and not about anything in particular. I used to dance, I used to act. Hell, I used to work out a lot more. I think it had just been too long since I was "in" my body.
Planning on waking up early to do some yoga before work. Maybe I'll do a one-armed plank while I brush my teeth with the other. Efficiency is important to the modern woman!
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