Day 58. A Word on Support

I have support.

My whole family and every single one of my friends know my journey and know my ups and downs. I wouldn't have it any other way.

When I was in a relationship and living with my partner my ups and downs couldn't really be hid. My ups were his up and my downs were his downs. I always wanted support from him. I just couldn't verbalize what support was.

I'm in that place a lot it seems. What are the best ways to support a person through diet? Be on it with them? thats a great way to support but then things happen like 1- They don't want to/ need to make the same changes and its not really fair to ask them to. 2- They do sooo much better than you and you have to pretend you are happy for them. 3- When they cheat you feel like you can too.

What about the person that calls you on your bullshit.... that one is horrible. I've asked my roommates before to not let me eat junk or to call me out if I was eating badly. With out fail this would happen. I would be doing great we would go out drinking ( no one says a word as I down hundreds of calories in booze because hey I'm fun when I drink right ) then on the way home when everyone decides to stop for food and I in my drunken state think MIGHT AS WELL ---that's when all of a sudden I get the well Jess you said to stop you from eating junk. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? It's fine to order me drinks at the bar but this fry will be the reason I don't lose weight this week. Yikes.

Here is the thing. I don't know what support I need. I just don't. It's not fair to expect everyone to know how I feel about food in that moment.

I put so much pressure on my boyfriend at the time to support me and then I would feel like he didn't want me unless I was losing weight. Not fair. I had a huge sign I made him let me put up in our living room with all of my goals on it and weight I've lost and a huge part that said -Reason for today- and every day I would give a reason to lose weight.  One day I woke up and he had written a reason in for me it was ---- Because your boyfriend loves you no matter what you weight.  This was not his style. He wasn't the roses for no reason kinda guy. That was the kind of support I needed and I didn't even know.

I still don't know what's best. I think I need different support from different people.

If I don't know... how can other people?

Thoughts?