Day 116. Bacon and eggs.

I think it's official. I can stay on any diet as long as I can eat bacon.

mmmm bacon.

I've been dieting for the past monthish. It's been emotional but the strange thing is it hasn't been that hard. Why? because I allow myself to eat as much fat and meat as I want. I don't end up eating that much fat but boy when I am hungry and the thought of a salad makes me laugh I think--- Bacon and eggs --- and I am at peace with not having bread and having very little sugar and dairy.

I'm on a low carb diet as most of you know. I'm also staying away from dairy because it makes me all stuffed up and itchy. I've been fighting for this for a while. I'm not really fighting anymore.

I went to see Oprah earlier this month and everyone decided on a popular Italian place for dinner. Bread and balsamic and oil is the starter and then the menu is littered with cheese and pasta dishes. I'm a carbaholic, and I was tempted, but what kept me on track was the bacon wrapped tenderloin I dug into with the strawberry and pecan salad on the side. Fuck you bread and pasta. I found something delicious and satisfying and BETTER for me then you. Yes I miss your comforting coma, YES I miss your sweet softness and the way you fill my belly up to the top BUT, fuck you I like me more.

Don't get me wrong. If I ate bacon wrapped tenderloin all day every day I would start to feel like shit I'm sure. The point is I don't. I don't need to. I feel good just knowing I can have it when I want. That's enough.

I'm the lowest I've been in over a year. I will celebrate when I break out of the dreaded 200.

Since January and since starting this blog I've lost and gained 15 lbs about 4 times. I've broken that cycle --- I'm on the way --- there were a lot of blocks and I'm sure I'll see them again and again. I feel power in knowledge though. It shouldn't have mattered that much but now that I know for SURE I have something standing in my way ( pcos ) I'm MORE determined.

I need to get back on the blog wagon though. I'm having a hard time keeping this commitment. I'm working on it. Stop yelling.