Where Was I...

...Ah, yes. Mexico vs vegan.

Back in February, the stars aligned and on request by an old friend, I was flown to Mexico to act in a short film.  No, it wasn't porn, and no, I wasn't actually running drug money.  It just so happens that when they need an actor fluent in English, the local pool is pretty shallow.

I left full of energy and excitement, but after three connecting flights and the transition from -30 degree weather to +40, I arrived at the Monterrey Airport with the most vicious head cold ever experienced by man.  I saw the fear in my friend's eyes but convinced him I would not be out of commission for filming.  They brought me Gravol, orange juice, soda, Neo-Citran, and some blue pills they claimed were "just like Cold-FX".  I put it all together in a blender and got 5 hours of sleep before my first 13 hour day of filming.

Day One - I think I might actually be dying.  I've taken too much medicine! I'm either going to faint or throw up or my heart is going to explode.  They bring me breakfast tacos.  Apparently 4 per person is a normal occurrence.  I can't even look at the food.  I am also told that it is hard to find vegetarian dishes, but if you can, it's usually topped with "tres quesos", which is Spanish for "however much cheese is required to coat everything else in the dish".

NORMALLY, I wouldn't be so dismayed by this news.  But I was only 8 or 9 days into Vegan February and proud of my commitment thus far.  But I'll tell you something: when the only thing you can keep down while working all day is a baked potato covered in cheese sauce, I'm gonna eat the baked potato covered in cheese sauce.  The crew was already working hard to keep me from going comatose, I wasn't about to pull the dietary diva routine.

As my life often goes, I was feeling better by my last day in Mexico.  I went to their Starbucks for breakfast.  It was a fantasy-land compared to Starbucks here.  Pretty little cakes, a plethora of sandwiches and snacks...amazing.  I ordered a vegetarian breakfast sandwich which listed 2 kinds of cheese on it.  What the hell, when in Rome. I mention to my friend that the large, square, egg white patty tasted strange.  He confirmed it was not egg, but yet another kind of cheese.

Ohhh Tres Quesos. Dios mio.

I have not been back to vegan since.  To be honest with you, I've been eating meat frequently since April too.  But, this is why I'm back to the blog.  Time to regroup. Set target and go.

A Dip of the Toes.

I am back! (Jessica, can I get a hells yes?)

I've been hiding out in Limbo.  Limbo is this portable cloud of oblivion that I carry around when I can't seem to face reality.  Lovely place to visit but I've over-stayed my welcome.

I will have more updates on the morrow, as the kids say.  Then I can tell the tragic tale of how vegan February ended up with a cheese bender in Mexico...

Hasta luego.

Won't You Take Me to...Pizza Town?

The pizza train continues. I just love pizza. It's the most logical of foods, if you ask me, or even if you didn't. Savory, hot, textured, filling goodness on its own built in plate, with the capacity to hold all food groups, no matter what your dietary constrictions.

Last night Domino's pizza was ordered. Maybe not for the strictest of vegan diets. Supplies are made in a facility with traces of animal products, and dough may or may not contain an animal product as a conditioner (American websites said thin crust is free of this. I could not find the same evidence for the Canadian franchise, but the pizza had been ordered by that point).

The order was for a large pizza, no cheese, with onion, tomato, pineapple, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, black olives and mushrooms. My roommates agreed to the experiment, sparing me from ordering a whole pie to myself. With previous Domino's orders, I hadn't even been adventurous enough to order "light cheese". IT MIGHT NOT BE AS GOOD.  But last night I threw caution and $20 to the wind, and soon enough a man named Drogos, according to the online delivery tracker, was delivering our freak pizza.

(pizza eaten before picture could be inserted)

It. Was. Delicious. Just like with the homemade Daiya version, the complete pizza experience was had. The crust was crispy, the sauce (which has always been my favorite part) was tangy and hot, and the veggies still had that broiled divinity that I thought may only be achieved through a chemical reaction with mozzarella. Bite after bite, it felt and tasted like pizza and the cheese was barely missed! I'm sure WITH cheese, we would have been oohing and aahing over it just as much, but it was delightful to know that we could be satisfied with a hell of a lot less saturated fat, oiliness, and baby cow hormones. There was no paper towel dabbing to be had.

On a side note, I have been taking vegetarian B12 supplements. One per day when I can remember, but the chocolate soy milk I drink has been fortified as well.

Again, I'm only vegan for this month, but I still find this amusing (and accurate, from the flack I've gotten thus far).

Cheeze Pleeze.

Yesterday marked my first voyage into the world of simulated cheese. I went with Daiya mozzarella shreds as countless vegan websites tout it as the blue ribbon of "cheeze". Cheddar looked bedder but I had plans of pizza. The recipe was:

-whole wheat pitas
-Daiya mozzarella shreds
-green peppers
-mushrooms
-red onion
-pizza sauce

1. Arrange all ingredients on the pita in a way that makes it look like a normal pizza
2. Place in pre-heated 400deg oven for 10-15min
3. Cut into triangle wedges resembling those of a normal pizza
4. Eat your almost normal pizza!

Many commercial pizza crusts are inadvertently vegan. However, I had these pitas on hand and they turned out so crispy and light that they were a highlight! The meal was satisfying but let's get one thing clear: fake cheese is not cheese. It can come very close, but that slight difference is the reason why the general population (myself included) will never be 100% converted. Kudos to Daiya for delivering on their promise of a melty, gooey, pizza cheese texture, but the flavor of it reminded me of margarine, and as you can see by the pictures, that would be a very margarine-y piece of toast. As much as I love an abundance of cheese on my normal pizza, a remake of this recipe would call for a little less Daiya and loaded up with more veggies.

But isn't that good news? The Daiya was essential for bringing together textures and flavors of the other ingredients for a complete pizza experience, but can be used sparingly which is lovely for wallet and waistline. These pies were 200cals each with only 2g of saturated fat. Only one was for me! And I was full afterward. 

..Well, my first vegan week is successfully complete. I don't feel deprived of normal meal options and I haven't been as moody or childishly jealous of normal meals being eaten around me as anticipated. I did, however, have a lengthy dream about drinking a 2L of chocolate milk last night. It was more memorable than the portion spent dreaming about fighting my way out of a forest like Rambo. Fortunately I had some organic chocolate soy milk in my real life fridge which alleviated my craving the next morning!

2014: The Future

I have crossed the threshold of the New Year, and the lifestyle experimentation continues! (Don't worry, you didn't miss much).

February's flavor is vegan - day 5 so far. No coincidence that the shortest month was chosen for the challenge I was most nervous about. With everything I have learned along the way regarding industry and nutrition, I couldn't put off the dairy/egg free attempt any longer. My hypothesis was that Paige - cheese = homicidal lunatic who cries herself to sleep. But I am almost a week clean of the hard stuff and have also managed to abstain from other forms of dairy: yogurt, sour cream, alfredo sauce, white mocha syrup, chocolate, crackers (check your labels, people!) and omgcreamcheese.

My personal vegan attempt does not exclude honey. Partially because I didn't even think about it being an animal byproduct until Feb 3 when I was eating a whole grain waffle drizzled in orange blossom honey. Partially because I'm not yet ready to take on the plight of farmed bees. Mostly because honey is delicious and I don't need any more guilt right now with what I have left to enjoy. Sue me.

Something I was not aware of was that several commercial breads and pastas are not made with eggs or dairy. After watching Gordon Ramsay crack an egg into all his homemade pasta I just assumed it was part and parcel of any noodle. But I'm not even herded to the natural foods section to find vegan grain products. Interestingly, this has resulted in me eating way more carbs than as a plain ol' vegetarian. I made penne primavera (delicious, but gave me that uncomfortably full feeling I haven't had since inadvertently not eating pasta for months), have had waffles for breakfast on a regular basis, and toast with bananas and natural peanut butter GALORE. I may have found the way to gain weight while eating vegan (Ritz peanut butter sandwiches contain no dairy, pass it on!)

PETA's website encourages people to a "strict adherence to veganism", but they take the high road and encourage purchasing mainstream products and brands that come darn close to vegan to show corporations there is a market and desire for foods using minimal animal involvement. PETA may have a radical reputation, but I like this way of thinking. Do what you can, and do it often. Vote with your dollar. I hope it will alleviate some of my guilt issues while not slipping back into ignorance.

But I'm gonna eat honey, dammit.

Day 185. Summer: Time to Thrive.

Oh. Hey. Sorry about the overdue post. I wish I had an amazing excuse. Something like the gym caving in, and myself stepping up as leader to ration the surviving Gatorade and protein bars whilst training until I became strong enough to lift the rubble away from the exits, then creating a cross-country tour inspiring others to place fitness first.

Alas, I merely alternated the 9-5 grind at my desk with laying around the house, reading books, cooking and playing cribbage. (I am apparently 48 years old now). SO not proud of anything! How could I come here and report that every day? It wouldn't motivate anyone else any more than it did for me.

Why am I back today? Reality. Time to touch down and get my head out of the clouds. Time to stop being distracted and FOCUS. I don't want to become a scatterbrain. Writing this blog helps keep my thoughts streamlined. Musings are like tea - they shouldn't be steeped for too long or they just become muddy and overpowering.

Work started another fitness challenge. This time, it is more to do about amount of physical activity than weight loss. The goal is to get 150 minutes of exercise a week. Sounds easy peasy, until they had us select our current daily logged minutes. The lowest option was 10 minutes, which I scoffed at, until I reeeeally thought about it. I get up, drive to work, walk up one flight of stairs, sit at my desk, walk to the break room 3 times over 8 hours, drive back home, play cards, etc on the couch, then back to bed. I'm lucky to find 10 minutes within that! Bottom of the barrel, how embarrassing. Fortunately my work ethic responds well to shame and anger.

PUT IT INTO ACTION, PAIGE:

• I have parked a 15 minute walk away from my work every day this week. It forces me to walk in the morning, but more importantly after work when I am usually "too tired" to make myself even drive to the gym.  
• I've gone to the gym! Twice so far this week and I'll be going tomorrow. For now, cardio is the focus.
• I've done yoga 3 out of 4 morning before work. It wakes me up and gives me more energy in the mornings. 
• Saying "no". I tried to make this year all yeses and positivity and empowerment, but sometimes, I just have to say, "close that fucking fridge door, it's 11pm and you don't need a root beer float. ...Idiot. (Tough love is underrated. Or I have issues.) 
• Watching Gordon Ramsay shows. Don't laugh! His food all looks so delicate and fresh and flavorful. His disappointment in shitty food makes me not want to eat it. He is a useful celebrity crush and I'm sticking with it...him.

Off I go to make fresh Mexican wraps and salad! 

Day 131. Market Breakfast.

Today I had African food from the farmer's market for breakfast. Despite the fact that it is not breakfast food. And I enjoyed every breakfast border blurring moment of it. Mmmmm...Stewed black beans, spicy chickpeas, vegetable rice with tumeric, and a potato/spinach/corn medley. Oh my my. I'll be thinking about it all day.

Not much else going on today. Some junk food is about to be ingested, I'm sorry to admit. I don't feel weird about it though, just meh. A bit of a wash today, methinks.

Day 129. High Hem Lines.

May, God bless ya. You are shaping up to be a beautiful month. Winter ended abruptly and immediately turned into summer-like weather. Warm, sunny, and colorful capped off with a cool breeze. Ice cream shops sprung open, the boardwalk is full of happy dogs and joggers, and I can finally drive around in my Lolita sunglasses with the windows down. Even my cat is enjoying rolling around in the warm dust on the patio, much to my chagrin.

I feel juiced up. The spike in my mood only confirms how simple of a creature I am. Warm = happy. Cold = sad. All else is relative.

Along with the warm weather comes shorts. I can't say I've ever been a fan. I refused to wear shorts for almost 10 years of my life, too embarrassed of my thighs. All those summer magazine articles about "finding the perfect swimsuit for my body type" would get my hopes up, only to be dashed when I'd once again read that bikinis with knee-length skirts are still not in fashion.

I broke out of my short phobia over the past few years, but I feel it creeping back this year. I hope that if I keep up with my gym routine (4x this week baby!), I'll see a difference, but more importantly feel a difference in my confidence.

I am also recommitted to my sugar-free diet. Refined-sugar-free that is. The body is designed to flourish. The body is designed to be healthy and defensive and effective. I want to help it along. Protect my precious.

Day 127. Spring Blizzard.

Not what you think! This spring blizzard was something magical. A Dairy Queen Blizzard in a waffle cone. Yeah, they do that now. So much better than eating the cup. But fret not, this will not become a habit. I just had to try it once.

People are often surprised to hear that I'm crazy about ice cream because I never eat it. Like spinach dip, I consider myself knowledgeable when it comes to judging the quality of an iced cream and the vehicle it comes in (I could eat a stack of plain waffle cones for breakfast). But mysteriously, and fortunately, it's never been something I've worked hard to avoid. I just never buy it. I guess I'm an ice cream romantic - I prefer to travel to ye olde ice cream shoppe and have an individual portion delivered to me, cone wrapped in a napkin like a perfect little gift.

But of course, I am in a new phase of life, one where I shouldn't be spending money at a place that actually has "dairy" in its name. So, I will enjoy this treat today. And then resign myself to sorbet.

Day 118. FitBit

I'm starting this!!

It was a gift and I think its cool and gadget-like.

http://www.fitbit.com/store

Check it out.

I'm at a loss for more to say I feel like I am repeating myself so .... just look into fitbit :)

Day 117. Office Nails.

My fingernails have grown long. That is a first in my entire working life. They aren't eroded by sanitizer or chipped from manual labor. They are just long and decorative and smug.

I clipped them this morning.

There is a stubborn blue collar streak in me. I fight against it, but once taken out of that world I don't quite feel like myself. You can take the lady out of the streets but...

It is weekly farmer's market day. Gosh I love Saturdays. I just got paid and received my tax return (you tend to get money back when you fracture your spine and a large part of your $9000 income is from cashing in your savings accounts to pay rent) so I am making a little list of how this money will be allocated. It's tempting to throw it all on the credit line, but would be counter productive as other expenses would then default to Visa.

Here's my wish list so far. Not all of it will make the cut though:
- gas for the car
- medicine for the cat
- repay the life saver who gave me winter tires
- HEALTHY groceries
- toothpaste
- big ol' credit line payment
- an embarrassingly small token for my parents who have helped out so often

A friend lent me the Game of Thrones series, so I hope to hunker down with the 4 books (1st one has been read) until the next paycheck. Escapism is underrated. I'll simply be Daenerys Stormborn until financial freedom.

Day 116. Bacon and eggs.

I think it's official. I can stay on any diet as long as I can eat bacon.

mmmm bacon.

I've been dieting for the past monthish. It's been emotional but the strange thing is it hasn't been that hard. Why? because I allow myself to eat as much fat and meat as I want. I don't end up eating that much fat but boy when I am hungry and the thought of a salad makes me laugh I think--- Bacon and eggs --- and I am at peace with not having bread and having very little sugar and dairy.

I'm on a low carb diet as most of you know. I'm also staying away from dairy because it makes me all stuffed up and itchy. I've been fighting for this for a while. I'm not really fighting anymore.

I went to see Oprah earlier this month and everyone decided on a popular Italian place for dinner. Bread and balsamic and oil is the starter and then the menu is littered with cheese and pasta dishes. I'm a carbaholic, and I was tempted, but what kept me on track was the bacon wrapped tenderloin I dug into with the strawberry and pecan salad on the side. Fuck you bread and pasta. I found something delicious and satisfying and BETTER for me then you. Yes I miss your comforting coma, YES I miss your sweet softness and the way you fill my belly up to the top BUT, fuck you I like me more.

Don't get me wrong. If I ate bacon wrapped tenderloin all day every day I would start to feel like shit I'm sure. The point is I don't. I don't need to. I feel good just knowing I can have it when I want. That's enough.

I'm the lowest I've been in over a year. I will celebrate when I break out of the dreaded 200.

Since January and since starting this blog I've lost and gained 15 lbs about 4 times. I've broken that cycle --- I'm on the way --- there were a lot of blocks and I'm sure I'll see them again and again. I feel power in knowledge though. It shouldn't have mattered that much but now that I know for SURE I have something standing in my way ( pcos ) I'm MORE determined.

I need to get back on the blog wagon though. I'm having a hard time keeping this commitment. I'm working on it. Stop yelling.

Day 113. Recollecting.

I don't know what I just went through, but it was something. I went to a bad place for about a week. Part of it was a stressful season at work. To get through it, I put my head down and charged through, not giving any of my time to really taking care of myself. Just surviving and indulging. All sounds a bit dramatic.

Anyway, I have emerged now. I feel calm again and it's a welcome feeling. Back to some semblance of routine with water, vitamins, stretching, laughter, vegetables and unrefined sugar. My skin is looking better lately. No thanks to my recent diet, but by this point, I've given up on trying to control it.

I am feeling motivated financially. My tax return is going to be another payment to the credit line, as well as most of Friday's check. They say frustration grows in correlation with how close you are to a goal. I couldn't agree more. It's an odd mechanism, a pressure to stay at least remotely close to your goals or you won't care enough to try.

I'm finally liking my hair. It's been a painful process of trying to gain length while being forced to hack off the fried bits at the end. But just last night, it finally seemed to...settle. I don't know how else to say it, my hair just calmed the fuck down. Maybe the spring air is revitalizing it.

Off to work I go. I just have to stay above its soul-sucking factor and enjoy my off hours so much that I can just daydream about them during the 8 hours I spend in a chair. Freedom by June. I don't know exactly what that means yet, whether I'll leave my job then or make some other big change. But I anticipate freedom. And I look forward to it.

Day 103. Veggie Culture.

Since becoming a vegetarian, I have been paying more attention to what is readily available that I can eat. What I have for veggie "go-tos" when I'm out and about or grabbing lunch at work. I have become aware that North American culture doesn't really have a staple vegetarian dish. I've had "poutine" suggested on more than one occasion by servers and friends. Which actually tells me our national dish is just meat. On the whole, we eat so much meat that our beef-sauced side dishes don't even register as meat anymore.

I was watching a Gordon Ramsay show (surprise, surprise) where he traveled across India, exploring their regional cuisines. It was then I realized: if I were to go to India, I could literally ask for any vegetarian dish and be happy with what I received. I haven't met a vegetable I couldn't at least tolerate, I have an almost fanatical love of chickpeas and lentils, and I am all the way gone on the curry train.

If I learn how to say "vegetarian" in multiple languages, I believe I'd have a magical foodie globe trotting experience. And someday, I will.

Even your McD's are amazing, India!

Day 102. Back to Business.

In the last month I have had tons of vacation time off of work and now recently sick time. I don't think I have any co-workers reading this blog so I can say that I don't love my job. I am well aware that there are so many things I can do that are worse but I miss the days when I used to be excited to get up and go somewhere every day. I'm getting to an age where I don't want to hate what I'm doing to make money. I want to want to work late to get something done I want to only take my vacation time because I have an awesome trip planned... not to get away from my job even if it is just to stay home.

Whine, whine, whine. I have a job and I should get over it. Having a job that you can at least not cry because you have to go to ( I've had those too) is better than not having a job at all. Money is a major stress and for me stress equals weight.

So what does one do? She finds something she likes to do and works with people she likes to work with and takes a job that doesn't kill the dream of being an actress.

The hunt is on.